How to Host a Great Dinner Party

We used to watch all the, ‘Come dine with me’ programmes, and record the shows to DVD. They used to be fun to watch and very informative about how to organise a dinner party, and most importantly – how not to.

Lately, the shows have turned into a slagging match between the guests, many of whom state clearly to the camera how they are going to disrupt the party and criticize all the cooking. That’s why we don’t watch it any more. We believe all the participants are now actors playing a part and working to a script.

The most popular statement coming from the participants now is, ‘I’ve never cooked this before…’ It’s all false and if you watch closely you can actually see then referring to a script just off screen – they are told what to cook, just to make a TV spectacle of themselves.

So, back to the real world. What are the best tips for organising a successful dinner party?

Remember that message about oxygen masks on airplanes? You must attach your mask first before helping anyone else. The same goes for giving a great dinner party. Give to yourself first. The rest comes easy.

Here are seven essential steps:

1. Recall some of the parties you loved, whether or not you or your family hosted them. Think back as far as you can remember.

Social affairs operate on a subconscious level predominantly. When you accept that fact and look at your own subconscious feelings, you can plan your own social pleasures. And, you can better understand your friends and family. Our social memories are stored in our subconscious minds. That is why this step is so important.

Never, ever, cook something for a dinner party that you have never cooked before. Always cook something that you are happy with and have made it half a dozen times before. Make a cooking plan for the day so everything is ready just in time when your party is ready to start. So many times we have watched guests sitting at the table with as long as two hours after the starter, before the main course is ready.

2. Spend ten minutes writing about one dinner party you particularly enjoyed. Be specific. This step helps you plan. Write down all the good points of the party and use them in your planning.

3. Recall dinner parties you loathed as far back as you can. Write down all the bad points of parties you have attended. What didn’t you like about them and why? Make sure you avoid these when you are doing your planning

4. Spend as long as it takes working out your menu. Take into consideration who your guests are and if they have any dietary preferences – are there any vegetarians, vegans, diabetics, religious beliefs (Jewish or Muslim). You will be considered a much better host for providing for such considerations in advance, rather than rushing around on the night trying to find something for your vegetarian guest to eat. It only takes a brief question when doing your invites.

5. Make a list of what is most important to you when you host a dinner party. Is it the food? Wine? Serving dishes? Choice of guests? Conversation? Music? Table decoration? Prioritize the list.

(I start with the food that I like best and include choices for finicky guests)

6. List a few situations or conditions that may embarrass you during your party and deal with each beforehand.

For example, if one of your friends gets drunk, how are you going to deal with it?

If one of your guests talks too much and bores the other guests, how do you bring your other guests back into the conversation?

Look at everything that could go wrong and make a contingency plan for it well in advance. Plan your party. Become a movie director building the “right” scene. Have a dinner bell handy to capture attention when necessary. It’s your party – take charge.

7. Social anxiety prevents pleasure. Here are some suggestions to counteract potential problems:

A. Demand that guests arrive by a specific time.

B. Only Invite people you enjoy. Don’t invite anyone else who may be disruptive or who you don’t like

C. Do you really need party games?

D. If things start to dry up, have a few conversation starters to get it going again. Try this or similar exercise: Even if the guests know each other well, ask each one to tell the rest three “facts” about himself. Two will be true, the third a lie. Guests will then guess which is the lie. Give them three minutes to plan. You direct. Remember, this is your movie.

E. All courses should be prepared in advance. This gives you maximum time with your guests at the table – not in the kitchen cooking.

You can have a lot of fun at your own dinner party if you consider yourself first. When you give to yourself first, you become wonderfully generous.

And don’t forget to breathe.

dinner party with Bill & Sheila

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